Hello dear family and friends. Welcome to California Clueless- a sanctuary for me to document the next chapter of my life and to share with you my journey. In a few days, I will be officially whisked away indefinitely. I’ve been painstakingly waiting for this day for MONTHS and am still not sure how to feel about this impending day. I am relocating to Frankfurt, Germany from Southern California! Excitement, uncertainty, fear, pain, curiosity and closure are what has been bubbling inside for the most part.

So why Germany?

Because I love sausages! Partially true,  but unfortunately,  my love of whatever food it is hasn’t warranted me to move to the *land of dark chocolate and endless cheese tarts* just yet. My husband has a new opportunity for work in Frankfurt, Germany and being the good wife I am  should be, I am joining him on this journey.

This journey to today was quite honestly the hardest journey yet so far in my thirty some years of life (25 if you don’t count the first 5 since I don’t remember anything before my 5th birthday party with the hideous clown and animal balloons- the VHS tapes helped too). Rewind back to last year of 2016 when your husband comes home and shares the possibility of moving abroad indefinitely for work and your whole life plan changes permanently in the next few months. Literally. Career, family plans, lifestyle, community, marriage, everything. To most people, they tell me that I’m so lucky to live in a different country and have the chance to travel. Yes, I am absolutely looking forward to these sorts of things as well and see that I do have a special opportunity; however, there’s more to it than just all fun and games.

Just when I thought I knew what “life” was about, I didn’t all over again. It was like a “reset” button was pressed. My whole definition of life was being redefined with this move. I questioned my marriage, my priorities, my purpose, my faith and of course myself! I nearly drove myself (and a few close friends out there- thank you so so much) crazy with so much back and forth with decision making. What do I do there? When do I tell my boss about this move ? When do I stop freaking out? What should I invest my time in within the last few months? Who do I spend it with? What about my pets? What about my family? Will I find a job there? How am I going to learn GERMAN?! Will I like it there? Do I have a choice? Do people have choices anymore? Will I be forced to adopt an appetite of only sausages, beer and potatoes ?! Why am I moving again?

Yup. Lots of thinking and now it’s actually happening.

Learning Opportunity

Despite the months of waiting- not knowing when, being lost, lonely and struggling with my messy, I am thankful for the time I’ve had here at home to soak in and digest this big change in my life. Moving to another country really forced me to do some uncomfortable growing. I’ve had time to reframe what the definition of “priorities”and “purpose” really meant to me. For one, not having a job and working has forced me to not find value in my work. Something I think a lot of us may possibly struggle with in regards to our self worth/what we find happiness in.  Money, career, possessions, our significant other, children,etc. You get the picture. I obviously do not have all the answers to everything, but I do see a defining shift in how I frame and go about things . I particularly found more purpose in what faith and God meant to me. In a time when I was most broken, I leaned on him the most and am forever thankful for this opportunity to connect and would never trade it for anything else.

And so my adventure begins soon. I am beyond thankful for my family and friends here. They mean so much to me and never cease to amaze me.  And to tell a ISFJ aka “Defender” (If you have not taken the Meyer Brigg’s Personality test- I HIGHLY RECOMMEND to you so please take it! http://www.16personalities.com), who is a feely, take my LOVE kind of person, that their closest family, friends and franimals will be separated from them is  as cruel as taking a wheelchair away from a handicapped person. Ok, I may be exaggerating a bit, but basically, it’s not nice.

Despite the uncertainties and struggles, I am ready for this next chapter of my life. God has been faithful and even provided some relief and help in the form of friends that I have been blessed to have connected with, way before my move too! How good is he?!

So Germany. I am ready for you. Got my carmex and chocolate chips ready. Here I go.